The Conflict And Compassion Of Boundaries with Krista Resnick

TRANSCRIPT AUTOMATICALLY GENERATED [00:00:00] Hey. Hey, today's guest, Krista Resick is a master coach, boundaries expert, and host of the Becoming Boundary Podcast. She believes that healthy boundaries are the key to the purpose-filled passionate lives and relationships that we all seek. Hey Krista, welcome to the show. Krista: Thank you for having me, Diane. I am really pumped to be here. Diane: I am excited to talk boundaries with you, but before we do, let's talk a little bit about you and how you got started into this business journey. Krista: Oh, that's always such a juicy question, . So I love to lead with the day that, gosh, it was probably. Not that it matters, but my youngest son is 18, he was in first grade. So however many years I don't do math. So however many years that is, the listeners wanna play with that. Be my best. Diane: Let me plug that into my spreadsheet. Please hold Krista: right. So he was in first grade and I'm still feeling really murky and cloudy and undecided in terms of what do I wanna be when I grow up. So my days were filled with so many commitments and obligations at this point that weren't really aligned for me. , I did not feel satiated. I did not feel fulfilled. I was, you know, stuffing school folders on Thursdays. I was the lunch lady on Wednesdays. I was doing this on the other days, and just things that were, were fine, but that weren't really nourishing my skillset and my passions, and there was a particular. Where the kids had gone to school and I was moving, let's just say it was the towels. I don't know if it was towels, bedsheets, whatever, doesn't matter. I was moving them from the wash to the dryer and I got them into the dryer and I had a moment where I lingered and I watched the towels sort of [00:02:00] bounce and jostle to and fro, and I had this thought, this visual come through. My gosh, that's my life. My life feels like when the alarm goes off and my feet hit the floor, that I'm just tumbling and jostling all over the place with no. Real clear direction. No real clear vision. I don't really understand what my priorities are. I don't even know if I know who I am anymore. And that was sort of my, I call it stick in the wheel moment. Remember when you were a little child. You know, you were riding bicycle if somebody like stuck us sticking your wheel and you'd go flying over the handlebars. Not Diane: I'm not sure that you would ever be allowed to do that these days. Can you imagine the outrage if your child had done this to another Krista: right, Diane: But yes, I know exactly what you're talking about, Krista: Yeah. So like, and, and not that you and I would ever do that cause we're Diane: No, no, no. It was obviously done to us, Krista: Right, right. Exactly. Exactly. It's that abrupt like, oh my gosh, I'm building a life here, but. Whose life am I building? Who am I? What do I want? What? What's my focus for the day? What are my priorities? What do I actually value? What matters to me? I love to speak about following the energetic breadcrumbs because it was that moment of awareness that led me to, alright, what might potentially be my next step here to try to figure this out, to try to. Understand who I am and what I want and what matters to me. So that led me down a whole beautiful journey, which I'll stop there cuz this was already a little long winded, but that's really what led me into the beginning stages of my career. Diane: And I'm guessing that in that situation where you have done everything for the kids and people are used to you being the person you can count on to organize like the bake [00:04:00] sale or like you said, show up and do lunch lady or book reading room, or whatever it is that when you decided to change and do something different. There was probably a lot of resistance around you to that change because it was inconvenient for other people. Krista: Yeah, it's disruptive. Diane. . It's disruptive, and that's where many folks get stuck because they're not willing to move into those disruptive conversations. Diane: Why are we so nervous of that conflict of setting that boundary? Because I feel like people don't like to set boundaries because they don't want the conflict that can potentially come from setting that boundary. Krista: you nailed it. That is, that is one of the top reasons why we struggle to set boundaries is because we have been taught that conflict is bad because it feels bad to our systems. And so while I'm never gonna sit and tell you that I love conflict because I don't, I will tell you that learning to work with the conflict, learning to. Start to embrace the conflict is where many of us need to be doing our work so that we can sit in those disruptive conversations, those disruptive circumstances, whatever's happening in our external world and come out on the other side. But so often we just were so uncomfortable that we will step into our patterns of pleas. appeasing, subordinating being the good girl, fawning, whatever you wanna call it. We can label it a lot of different things. It's really about learning to sit with the conflict and understanding the conflict will not kill you and coming out on the other side. That, that, that's where the juicy work is.[00:06:00] Diane: I'm guessing that there are some people listening who are thinking. Yes, but you know, you don't know my situation or you don't know like how hard it is for me to set this particular boundary. You don't know my husband or my mother or my child, or my business or my client, et cetera. Can you give a couple of examples of boundaries that you see come up a lot for people that you're working with, but particularly people in business, like where are the main kind of stumbling blocks if you. Krista: I think one of the ones that I come across a lot for folks in business is the not wanting to be answering emails at eight o'clock. Midnight. Also, the, the one I heard the other day was something along the lines of a really fast turnaround time. So putting something out there like at four or five, six o'clock in the evening and expecting that at eight o'clock the next morning, it was going to be accomplished. So, and, and again, I'm not, I'm not here to say that this is, . It is challenging. It does feel really discomforting to our nervous systems. But one of the best things, I think where we can start is a, a couple of places. I think one of the things that I love to speak about is so often we think with those examples and with any really boundary example, We're so focused on the, no, what do I have to say no to? Oh, I have to tell my boss. No, I have to tell my coworker. No, I have to tell my partner. No, I like to teach folks that. Let's start thinking about what we're actually saying yes to. Because if we're thinking about the no [00:08:00] automatically, that's gonna bring up a huge fear response. So that's one of the really subtle ways, Diane, that we can begin to go, you know, what am I actually saying yes to here? Oh, oh, I'm actually saying yes to taking my children after work to the play. and being really, really present with them because that matters to me. Or I'm saying yes to my partner that I promised that we were gonna go to dinner at seven o'clock because we haven't had date night in two months, and we're feeling a little disconnected. And so I'm saying yes to connection and to relationship with with them. So that can be the first thing that can really begin to. Settle our nerves, if you will, a little bit, is by just shifting how we think about boundaries. Boundaries are not always about saying, no, no, no, no, no. So that that can be number one. Number two, what's really coming through for me in your question is, Using I statements, and it sounds so simple, but I watch this over and over and over and it's so potent. So often we will go into a conversation and it will sound something like, well, you always are asking me to do stuff past work hours, and you never, and you, it's these absolutes. And what we've done in those situations, Diane, is, is we've automat. Put that other person into a position where they have to defend themselves. And so now here's where things spiral and get outta control. So when we can remember the power of our eye statements and, and sort of putting it back on us, I've noticed when you, I, I noticed that when you send me an email at eight o'clock at night or when I think about [00:10:00] that conversation that we had, , you know, in the hallway yesterday, I feel irritated. I, I feel sad. I feel, you know, really helping people start to develop a more vulnerable, tender, connective type language so that we can actually like, get somewhere versus you always, you never, you, you, you, and, and it immediately puts us into, Blame so that the other person is always the problem. Well, that's, that's never gonna get us anywhere. Diane: what I like about the thinking about the yes is as you were speaking, I obviously admire super practical, spreadsheety way was immediately thinking of it as almost a cost benefit analysis. So the cost of me saying, is this person may get irritated. Most of the time you don't actually know. You are playing out this whole scenario in your head and you have absolutely no idea how the person will actually react. So there's your cost. But on the benefit side is I get to bath the kids, I get to go out on a date with my partner. I get to go to sleep and have a good night's sleep so that you can start to see that scale a little bit more versus focusing only. this cost is so massive. I still think people though have to eventually go back and say no. Right? So, so let's say we focused on it. We've said, okay, these are all the reasons I'm gonna say yes. This outweighs my fear of the conflict. How do we clearly state that boundary in a way that doesn't invite someone to go Yes, but. So we've gone back and said, I see that you want this by eight in the morning. It's not eight o'clock at night, that's not really feasible for me. I will work on it first thing in the morning. That's a fairly reasonable statement. It doesn't mean the other person who is stressed and has probably got a whole bunch of stuff going on in their own life that you know nothing about, isn't gonna [00:12:00] turn around and go, great. Well, I need it by nine. So when we state a boundary, how do we make it clear, I guess, concise, calm, and final to a degree, versus I invite you to debate this boundary with me to see if you can, convince me otherwise. I think sometimes we're like, I'm so sorry. If you don't mind, could you possibly, would it be okay if I may be, and the other person says, no, cuz they're pretty firm and you and, and then what? Right. Krista: A lot of females speak in, there's a name for it and I, I apologize, I don't have the name right off the tip. Tip of my tongue right now. But you know, when we tend to speak in that high pitch, when we're uncomfortable, Diane: It's kind of like we want to sound like more like girly and breathy. I, I've never thought about it before, but it is very I'm super sweet and everything. Please don't come at me Krista: Yes. It's, it's really like, you know, I could, I could answer your question and I, and I will, from that base level, that simple, like, how do we just frame up a boundary so that it's, you know, standing in our power and owning it and whatever. Yes. And then there's, there's the direction that I love to go, which is a little bit deeper work into, you know, managing somebody else's feelings. Like, oh, this boundary, I want this boundary. So if I say it in this high pitch, it's still wanting to buy into that. Good girl. Nice girl. I need to manage your feelings. Diane, I just talked about this with a colleague a couple of days ago where she's like, I, I feel like such an. having to go back on my word, on something that just wasn't going to work out for her. She, she had hired somebody to do something and something happened on her end where she just wasn't going to be able to follow through financially. It was a [00:14:00] really poor decision on her part to, to follow through on this. but she was more worried Diane, about how she was gonna look to having to tell this person no than she was about her own feelings and needs. And that's the deeper part of your question. Like, we've gotta get serious about our relationship with ourself and what we really want and what really matters to us. So that's the deeper part of your. We have to start understanding where are we still trying to step in and rescue. Be the nice girl, manage somebody's feelings. Play the good girl, whatever you wanna call it, and take ownership of that so that we can start to the, do the work of healing that and really start standing in our own power. Now, in terms of, of like just the nitty gritty of your question, I think a lot of that really does go back to being clear, being concise. Probably when you're new to this work, even writing it down, even speaking it out loud before you actually take it to that person, not being the wishy-washy, well maybe will possibly, it's owning what you need in that situation and really. owning it. Like I just said, owning like this is this. There's no way that this can happen by by nine o'clock. I am in no way, shape, or form prepared to do this. How can we make this work? What would be a win-win for both of us? And really be able to talk that through with the other person and come to a conclusion, a decision that's reasonable for both of you. Diane: Yeah. And is like some of that preparation, like in some ways a boundary can feel a little [00:16:00] ultimatum me. Krista: Mm-hmm. Diane: And I always say to people, , if you set an ultimatum or , you say like, this is my best and final can tell I'm a million dollar listing fan, my best and final offer. You better be prepared to walk away if the person isn't prepared to match it. Now in the business space, a lot of the boundaries that we struggle with outside of the personal are client relationships. Where we are, somebody else is our client. . So they are potentially have paid us a lot of money for something they could potentially be a large part of our recurring revenue. They could potentially have a lot of connections in the industry, which could make that no feel higher stakes. Then, you know, I don't want my partner to be angry at me because I'm not gonna make. It's, I don't want this client to be angry at me because they pay me several thousand dollars a month and that pays for X, Y, Z. It pays for the roof over my head or whatever. How do we get ourselves into a position where we're ready to stand behind that boundary versus. knowing how much we're prepared to bend. Like if the person wants the thing at 8:00 AM and I say I can't do it by 8:00 AM how do I get myself to the vision where I know when I say that I'm either gonna hold that boundary no matter what, and she can fire me, or I'm prepared to bend and I can get it to you at 10 o'clock but I definitely can't get it to you at eight o'clock. What is that internal conversation we need to have with ourselves? Around how firm this boundary is because not every boundary is black and white, right? Krista: And I love that you said that, Diane, and I think that is such a essential. Vital. Actually, part of what I'd like to weave into this conversation is really understanding first and foremost what boundaries are. It's actually my favorite [00:18:00] question. We need to have this sort of working definition of what boundaries are and what they are not. I'm so passionate about this. What they are not is a list of rules. So often people think boundaries are these list of rules that we just, you know, we write 'em down and then we hand 'em over to the other person in relationship and it's like, oh, here's my list of rules. Aren't these great? Like, here, abide by these. It doesn't work. Boundaries don't work that way. For the most part, boundaries are these. Flexible things and when we really know who we are, when we really start to get back into the body, which is so much of what I teach and what I coach around is. starting to live from the, I call it chin down, getting back into the body. We're able to recognize the signs and the signals of the feedback of the body so that then we're able to go, okay, hold on, pause. Something's happening in my system. What's going on here? Is there a boundary that needs to be set? Perhaps the boundary is to just simply walk. But when we really start to understand the feedback of the body and underst. What we wanna do with that, we're able to be fluid and flexible in our boundaries. So, to answer your question, we may begin to step into those conversations with someone that is requesting something of us and say, you know, I, I'm not able to do this by nine, but I'm able to really get after it and have it to you by 10. that might not be something you wanna do all the time, but in that situation, you've tapped back into the body, you've kind of thought things through a little bit. You've given yourself a little bit of space. It's like, okay, I, I, I could [00:20:00] probably make this work by 10:00 AM but you know, I actually just had this happen with a client. I was offering unlimited access to. Other than Sundays, so Monday through Saturday, unlimited access to me I started noticing in my body that wasn't really working for me. answering Voxer on Saturdays when the kids were home and my husband was home. It wasn't really working for me. The other thing that wasn't really working for me, clients were boxing me sometimes eight and nine minute long boxers, and it was really hard to get to the heart of the. And to really support that person when there was 8, 9, 10 minutes of story. And so I had to make some hard decisions around what my Voxer boundaries would look like. So I gently put out an email to all of my clients saying, we are no longer going to be doing unlimited Voxer access, and your boxers need to be three minutes or. and I explained to them why I didn't just say, well, they need to be three minutes and under. I explained to them that this is going to help you by being clear and concise with your question. It's also going to help me as your coach, because I'm not going to be getting so lost in your story that I'm able to really support you and hold you in the heart of your. So that email went out. Lo and behold, several weeks later, I get a nine minute long boxer from a client and I simply, you know, I had that thought that you said, she pays me well. She's been working with me for a really long time. This is going to be Diane: this ones. Krista: it's just this once. Yeah. And I, I, Said to myself, no, I'm not. I'm not doing it. I'm not [00:22:00] standing here listening to a nine minute long message that I know clearly there's going to be a ton of story. And so I ved her back and I simply re reminded her of the, the boundaries that I had in place. I had to walk away from playing the good girl, managing her feelings. Go back to what I was saying yes to. Diane: What I picked up in that as well was, a, you holding the boundary, but B, that you had made that boundary communication about the win-win. Like this is why this benefits you. So like I can't do this by nine o'clock because I don't wanna do a shoddy job for you, but let me have until 10 to make sure that it's the right standard. Right? So the communication, if we can turn it into this is why it's a benefit to you. makes it that little bit easier without us needing to apologize and, and ask if it's okay and, and all of those things. Krista: exactly. Diane: one thing I don't see people talk about much when they talk about boundaries is our boundaries with ourselves. I think we talk a lot about saying no to other people, but we don't talk a lot about. setting and sticking to boundaries with ourselves. And I think, you know, hey, new Year's resolution. Every New Year's I give up Diet Coke, January 10th, I'm sucking down a diet Coke of some variation. I use that one just as like a light example, but I think there are. Boundaries that we give ourselves in relationships with people, where we have decided that for us, we need to walk away. So we think a lot about, like, I've told this person, we're not friends anymore. We've got through that. But then we allow ourselves to go back on that boundary. So it's not them trying to creep over the boundary, it's us. Krista: Yeah. Diane: How do we manage ourselves with our boundaries? So not where we're worried about conflict, but.[00:24:00] We've set ourselves a boundary around improving something in our lives and we constantly cross over it. How do we catch ourselves and pull ourselves back? Krista: Mm. That's such a juicy question. I think internal boundaries are one of the most important places. that we can actually start with boundaries. Honoring our word, honoring what really matters to us, honoring our own integrity. I think the very first place to start is to get really curious, you know, when I decide that, you know, to your point, I'm gonna kick kick sugar and carbohydrates to the curb come January 1st, right? Like, I mean, first of all, we have to back up the bus and go, okay, what's actually behind that intention? What are we actually wanting to say yes to, right? And then it's getting curious about when I find myself digging in the pantry. You know, shoving crackers or whatever it was. I said, I, Oreos, . I happen to, I happen to Diane: was like, crackers was there, was there no candy? Was there? No. Just like neat sugar. Like why are we going with crackers? I'm like, like chips, Krista: Right. Ships, yes. Chips, Oreos, m and ms. All of the things right. I think the first thing that we can do to sort of gently put that stick in the wheel, going back to that fun little analogy, is to use our curiosity about, okay, what's actually going on here? And honestly, Diane, so much of what I talk about and, and teach, it's not really. profound stuff. It's going back to the simple thing. So for some people listening, they might think, well, that's so simple, like, just going back to curiosity, but here's the thing. When we don't slow down, like so much of this is [00:26:00] happening in autopilot mode. You know, we just have such full plates and many of us are wondering, rather than look at our plate and go, okay, what needs to go? We're looking at these plates that are already overflowing, asking, how do I get a new plate, ? How do I get another plate to add more onto our lives? Much of this work is actually about slowing down, creating space, getting ourself out of autopilot mode 150% of the time, and asking these hard questions like, okay, I noticed that I'm diving into the Oreos again. Interesting. What's really going on here? What do I need? That is such a simple and powerful question. what am I really craving? Maybe it is the Oreo cookie, right? Maybe it is. I I'm not here to sh put any shame onto the Oreo cookie, cuz I love me some Oreos, right? So maybe it is the Oreo cookie. We just need a little bit of a sugar fix or whatever. But could there potentially be something more? Could there potentially be something that we are craving at a deeper level? For me, Diane, one of the, one of the things I've noticed, I've really worked pretty diligently on this part of myself over the past. I'm gonna say year and a half was loneliness. And often when I'm reaching for that tub of ice cream, Because food is kind of one of those things. That's always been a little bit of a trip up for me when I'm reaching for that carton of ice cream, when I'm reaching for those Oreos or something that I know, like nothing's taboo in my world, and. there are things that just don't really nourish me and lead me into the direction that I wanna go so that I can really stand in my leadership and stand in my sovereignty and, and serve and show [00:28:00] up for myself and other people in the way that I want to. And sugar makes me feel like crap. So I do try to steer away from sugar as much as I can. And when I am reaching for those things, I like to get myself out of autopilot, autopilot mode and ask. What's actually going on here? Is it the ice cream? And often what I have found is there's been a lack of connection in my life and I'm lonely and I'm using that food. For me personally, this is only my story. So I can only speak to me as a way to sort of numb that feeling. Cuz it's a hard one to sit with sometimes. It's a hard one to say. I'm really. I'm craving deep connection, whether it's in my marriage, whether it's with a girlfriend, just go out and have some good belly laughs, whatever it is, I'm using that food as a way to numb and almost as a way to sort of be my companion, if that makes sense. But we don't know the answers to those questions if we don't slow down and use curiosity as a power. Diane: And I think that also helps us to not like try to change everything overnight. Krista: Mm-hmm. Diane: like okay, because otherwise we try to not eat the Oreos and drink the Diet Coke and don't do this and do this other thing and then also do this. And then by the time we come to work and we're trying to set a boundary, we're so exhausted from like frantically holding onto all these other boundaries that if all we're doing is taking a step back and like, you know, eat the eat Oreo while you get curious about why you're eating Oreo right. Krista: Yes, my favorite quote, and I'm actually gonna read it because it's my favorite quote, but it's a long one. So sometimes I slaughter it, which is why I have it written down. It sits literally right in front of me. Between stimulus and response there is a space. [00:30:00] And in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. And that is by Victor Frankl, who was a psychologist. a Holocaust survivor. Survivor. He wrote, man Search for Meaning, which maybe you've read, but I love to share that quote because A, this is a man who really understood that he, despite the most horrific situation and circumstance, he still had the ability to choose something, something in that space. So often, again, we're just in autopilot mode in today's culture that we're not making these choices. Consciously, we're just doing them because it's like all of a sudden we're feeling something, we don't even know what we're feeling, and it's like, oh, this feels discomforting, so I'm just gonna grab the ice cream and numb it. Or I'm just going to, I'm just gonna scroll on social media for the next four hours, or I'm just literally going to drown myself in 45 episodes on Netflix. So choose, choose whatever, but choose it from a conscious place. I also love to bring in the conversation curiosity and compassion. Like those are the two superpowers that are right at our fingertips. And often we, we've not been taught to tap into those things. So showing yourself compassion. I love this statement. How human of me, how human of me that I just had a fight with my partner and my nervous system is really dysregulated right now, and I just, wanna numb myself with Oreo cookies, , like how human of me? And, and, and it brings in a little bit of humor. It brings in self empathy. [00:32:00] And then from that place, I get to choose, are the Oreo cookies really what I want? Or is it to put on some sneakers and go for a nice walk down to the stop sign and back, get myself in a little bit better place and maybe step into some repair work with my partner or, or whatever the situation. Diane: And I think it comes back to the similar way of setting boundaries with other people is to think, okay, what is the cost? Of me holding this boundary, I'm gonna feel a certain way. What is the benefit of me holding this boundary and not eating the Oreo cookie is maybe I won't crave the other 10 Oreo cookies, and if I go for a walk, I'll come back and be able to have that conversation in a better way. Whereas the Oreo cookie is not gonna help that. So it keeps coming back to what you said of that pause and that kind of evaluation moment before diving into the. Krista: exactly. Diane: So if you could only tell someone one thing about boundaries, Krista: Mm. Diane: what would the one piece of advice or the one thing be ? Krista: Yeah. You know what I'm gonna go with? It's, it's coming through. Really strong for me. I'm, I'm really passionate and it goes back to something I said a while ago. It's incredibly simple, but I think in our culture, we need to hear this message. And that is, boundaries are not rules. They are not these rigid rule books that we write up and that we hand to other people. And here's why that matters to me. We are living in a world and in a culture of disconnect. We are living in a world where it is so easy to walk away from relationships and say, you pissed me off. Screw you. I don't need to talk to you again. Right. And so much of that comes from the the rigid set of rules comes from fear. It comes from control. [00:34:00] And so when we're able to do the deeper healing work around what's really behind all of these rigid rules, again, I'm not speaking about really unhealthy abusive relationships, speaking about the norm, the everyday stuff, like somebody said something that just really pissed you off and now you're not gonna talk to 'em anymore. Like, oh, unfriend them, right? Like it, we're treating people with. I don't know, like people are, I feel like sometimes our relationships, we just see them as so disposable. And when we start to embrace what boundaries really are, which is about being honest with who you are. They're about being honest with, Hey Diane, this is, this is something I really value. I just went through this with a friend of mine who was very much dismissing some of what I was sharing with her and some of my really hard feelings that were coming up, and I really had to step into a discomforting conversation with her and say, you know, Susie, we'll just call her. I feel really hurt. I, I feel hurt because I have a need to be heard in this relationship. You know, I, I wasn't really heard much as a kid, Susie. I didn't, I wasn't really raised in a household where my feelings and my needs matter, and so it's really important for me in relationship. I'm so passionate about, about feeling seen and heard in my relationships. And so every time you, you dismiss what I share with you, it hurts, and then be willing to have that conversation with her. But had I have just handed her this list of rules and said, well, you broke this one. , Siara, we, you know, we're not gonna ever have healthy relationships in our [00:36:00] lives. So I think as simple, again as it sounds, I, I know I'm, you know, saying this over and over, but really understanding that boundaries are taking ownership for who we are, what we value, and what we need. Like that is the basic definition of a boundary can really help us be the bridge between us and other people. When, typically when we're looking at boundaries as rules, like so many of us have been taught, It, it can go so wrong. Diane: So I, I feel like we have covered a lot. We've gotten in a lot of different directions. We've talked about a lot of different boundaries, a lot of different circumstances, and frankly, you've made it all sound quite easy, Krista: Right, right. Diane: where you know, we all know the reality is something different. So do you have something that people can use to get them started to build their boundary muscle to understand where they may or may not want boundaries? Krista: Yeah. Yeah. So I've got a, I, I, again, I'm a simple gal because I think in our world, again, we love complicated, like subconsciously. It's not like we're saying that consciously, but I think so often when things are complicated, we take zero action. You know, you said about the New Year's resolutions. Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do all of these like hardcore things, and then by January 10th we're not doing any of the things. So I like to really make things simple. So I have a very simple workbook. It's called Boundaries From the Inside Out. That really helps folks build an awareness of a little bit of what's happening in their system. When there is disruption going on in their external world, when there is conflict, when there is something really hard and challenging to help them start to build awareness of what's going on in their systems and where they would like to [00:38:00] start making changes, slow and steady, simple changes because that is what is sustainable. So it's called boundaries from the inside out. It'll be in the show notes, I would presume, and folks Diane: I'll link it. Krista: yeah, welcome to download that and get in touch with me if they have any questions. Diane: Awesome. So to finish up, I always ask my guests the same two questions. The first one was made for you, so no pressure. What is your number one lifestyle boundary for your business? Krista: Wow. Well, oh, I have several. So I'm trying to think of what would be the juiciest. I really do think that, for me, noticing that bringing work into the weekends, I thought I was doing a favor by, by being sort of accessible to clients. It wasn't working for. So I had to look at that and go, okay, what do you wanna do? I had to really be direct and clear with people over three minutes. . It's not happening. I'm not listening to it because what really matters to me, Diane, is being present. Being present to like, that's what I actually wanna say yes to in life. Going back to, you know, what are we saying yes to? One of my, if you wanna call it a value or just something that really matters to me is being present. Being present with my clients, being present with you here right now, being. with my kids when they walk in the door at four o'clock. Being present with my partner when he walks in the door at 5, 5 30, presence matters to me and I can't be. Doing all of these things and listening to nine minute long messages and to, and, and practicing presence. Diane: The three minute rule. Sorry. the three minute boundary, cuz we don't wanna think of it as a rule. Okay. Finally, what is the worst piece of cookie [00:40:00] cutter advice that you've been given as an entrepreneur? Krista: oh, , there's so many things That it has to look a certain way. you have to do your business this way. I'm still learning this, Diane. I'm still learning when it comes to my business, yes, there are certain things, like the person that does my marketing is, is, is wonderful and she's got so much good advice and so many facets. And there's some things that I'm like, you know what? You were, you and I were speaking about this before we hit record. , that doesn't feel good in my body. There's something about that piece of advice that you just told me that is not resonating with my soul. So I'm gonna listen to that. I'm gonna listen to that. My wisdom. I don't know why , I don't know how this is gonna flesh out, but I'm gonna trust me. I'm gonna listen to me. So I guess it just really comes back to. , yes. Lot of people have wisdom, have things to share. They've been in the business world. They know how to do certain things, and there's some things that intuitively when I tap into my own wisdom that just don't make sense. So it doesn't have to look a certain way. It can be however you want it to look, trust yourself that that's been some of my greatest work is learning how to really trust myself when it comes to business specifically. Diane: So good. This has been fab. I knew we'd nerd hard on this topic cuz it's we're both so passionate about it. Where can people find you on the socials? They can carry on the conversation. They can tell you what they discovered about themselves when they did the boundaries Workbook. Where's the best? Krista: I'm gonna say the best place is Instagram. I've been yeah, I've been enjoying my time on Instagram as of late. So that'd be the best place. They're welcome to reach out to me there if they [00:42:00] have any questions. Diane: Awesome. Thank you so much.