How Not To Kill Your Business With Sarah Walton

TRANSCRIPT AUTOMATICALLY GENERATED Diane: [00:00:00] Hey Sarah, welcome to the show. Sarah: Hey Diane. Thanks for having me. I'm happy to be here. Diane: So let's kick off with a little bit about you and your business. Sarah: Oh gosh. Well there's, there's an opener, huh? So me and my business. All right. Yes, so I have been helping women. Start their own businesses for over 14 years now. And I started this because, you know, I ran out of corporate America. There was like a Cera shaped hole in the wall where I ran away one day and was just like, I cannot do this anymore. And that's the funny version of the story, but the real version of. The higher up, I went in my career over and like I was consistently, there were fewer and fewer women, the higher I went and it's not like I was having like proprietary, amazingly genius conversations that it took years and years to understand sometimes about business culture or maybe how we could figure out financial projections. Some of that may. it was just that women never learned these skills for the most part, like really understanding how to read a P and L understanding how to do financial projections. And instead what would happen is they would pull themselves out of the conversation. And I think a lot of that came from fear and a lot of it came from the culture, right. The way it was structured. I mean, that was kind of not an accident. Right. I don't think. And I really left with the idea that, you know, I wanted to make sure women knew these skills. Like it was really that simple. And the other thing I understood, the more that I got into business, like I have a, I have a major in English. Like I did not major in business. I don't have a finance degree. This was like street credit knowledge I earned. Right. And it was just. Every woman, honestly, that I get to work with. What I see is they have this unique combination of their expense. Their expertise, what they've studied, what they've learned and then their talents. Sarah: And each one of those comes together to create a unique combo [00:02:00] that literally can be turned into a business. Now, not everybody should own a business, and I'm not one of those people who pushes entrepreneur porn and I'm like, you'll make a million dollars on the beach while you sleep. Like, I don't know what that is. It's crap. And it's gross. But the idea that women could start to construct their lives in a way that worked for them and make good money and use their talents and be happy. I was like, And I can take all of my experience and expertise and my talents and create a business that helps women understand how to do the same thing based on whatever their talents are. And it is just an absolute joy. I love it so much. And a lot of what my work has. Is understanding women's roles in society, understanding how we perceive money and how we've been taught to perceive money and sales, because the way women's sell is very, very different from the way men sell as it should be. I think we're, we're kind of different. And I love to talk about the physiological difference. If you were born into a female body, what that, what happens there? If you were born into a male body, what happens there and how that has a see things differently, but it also changed. The way that we function and the way that we're productive. And instead of trying to cram women into this structure, that's been built all this time. It's actually like, how could we make this work for all of us instead? And so I just love that that like has sort of fallen out of me saying, here's how you run a piano and here's how your new financial projections is like all the stuff that comes up behind that is, oh, it's just amazing. And I absolutely love doing it Diane: so as we dive deeper, I am a bit of a true crime podcast fan. And I feel like today they were almost doing like a business, true crime, deep dive. So it's like the case of the entrepreneur who killed them. So how are we killing our businesses? Is it a crime of passion? Is it like a [00:04:00] slow undetectable poisoning? Is it planned out? Is it accidental? How's it happening? Sarah: this is a good time right here. It's almost always accidental. I think very rarely is someone intentionally planning the murder of their business. And it depends. Okay. So gosh, that was fun. So we depends on the person's. Ability to see what they're doing and also their willingness to see what they're doing that will decide if it's a slow, painful death of poison, or if it is a murder of passion. And I will say for most, it tends to be a slow poison and then it finishes with a flourish of passion. Let me describe that a little. Diane: Yeah, all the listeners are like, wait, what podcasts have I just dialed into the, what are these two talking about? Sarah: Did these guys do stuff before they got on this podcast? Like what isn't happening? No, no, we're all here. We're all happy. We're also, we're an caffeinated all as well, but no, I mean, here's the deal like, listen, it is, it really takes something to watch a business, right? Like it is not armchair activity. It's not something somebody does cause they're bored. Right. You know, if you're about to start a business, you're going to hear no. Boatload more times than you would like to. You're going to get critiqued. I always say that that is success. Tax is critique. People are gonna make fun of you. They're going to call you an idiot. They're going to say your hair's not in the right place. Like pick a thing. They're going to focus on it and deep down we know that, right? Like, so you're not going to start a business because you're. You're not going to start a business because you think it's cool. There are the people who buy into the entrepreneur porn, and I think that's a problem. And I'm out to kill that in this industry. That's crap, but it's rare. I don't think even when someone buys into this hole, I make a million dollars in 20 minutes, like, you know, deep down there's going to be some work involved. And so I don't think anyone would willingly and knowingly kill their business. Could it happen I guess, but I think it's pretty. And when we [00:06:00] look at the slow poison, The slow drip, drip, drip of poison, and what we do. And I, obviously, my expertise is in women. Okay. And when I say women, I mean the physiological body that was born as a female. Right. Because that we all know that can change at any point. And I would completely understand that. And I'm talking about physiological traits, not so much personality traits or anything like that. When we look at what we do to kill our businesses specifically in the United States, I think this is also true in Europe, but women are rewarded for overfunctioning and there's actually been a term that's been thrown around in psychology, which I love. And it's called high-functioning code. And the idea, like, I know every time I say that people go, oh, that's me. And they don't even know what it means, but they can tell it's like, yes, I do that. Right. Yeah. It's such a great phrase. I was so excited. I think it came out last summer. I was the first time I'd heard it. And I was like, that is brilliant. So the high functioning we can get, like we're all really freaking smart, like that's awesome. And here's the physiological piece I talked. Human beings born into a physical body that is female, right? There is more connective tissue in the brain between the right and left hemisphere. And this is what allows women to go. Yes, I got that. Did you get that? What's for dinner? How did that happen? Did you guys do the laundry? Yeah, I'll be in that meeting in five minutes. Like it allows us to do that. And most women who are really ambitious really get that. Like we function at this incredibly high level. And that's because we do have that connective tissue. Now I have five brothers. I have a husband and I have a dad and I have a son. Right. I've been around the boys. I love the boys. I, but it's like, I, it kills me every time I'll say to my husband, Hey, could you help me with this? He's like, but I'm watching TV. Right. There's one thing that can be done at a time. And that's the, the, the, a little bit less connective tissue. And by the way, we need. Right. We need that ability to [00:08:00] focus on one thing in business. That's fantastic. And when you combine our ability to multitask with that focused attention, it's incredible. Right? So one isn't better than the other. But I think as women, we have to be aware that we are susceptible to overfunctioning because we can function at such a high level and the rub comes in with this codependence piece. We get rewarded for doing this. Right. You hear it all the time. Oh my God. She's so sad. Oh, my God, she's killing it. And not only do you have to be killing it, you have to look really great while you do it. And your children are supposed to be perfect if you're a mom, right. And your house is supposed to be amazing and your clothes are supposed to be impeccable and your website's supposed to be stunning. Right. And it's like, what the F when did this happen? Diane: He was like, when did we sign up with, where did I sign up to these terms and conditions that I did not read? Sarah: There's the rub. That's the thing is it's this is the first death, right? This is the first barrier to, you know, like killing your business or allowing your business to thrive is understanding that you are participating in high function. Co-dependence whether you realize it or not, because we, none of us signed up. It was handed down. It's part of the osmosis. Like we hear it all the time and I really believe it's going to take women calling out other women and not like, Hey, idiot, stop working. I don't mean that at all. It's more, Hey, how are you doing? And watch the most women will respond by talking about the people they love. Well, my dad's doing this, my husband's doing that. My kids are like this. My spouse is doing this. Oh, my businesses is, oh, I love my VA. I look. And you're like, no, no, no. How are you? And they're like, well, the kids are great. You're like, no, How are you? And it takes a minute and you watch a woman go well, I I don't I, I think I'm okay. It takes, we don't even see ourselves anymore. And Glennon Doyle talked about this in her book, untamed, where she talks about how women are constantly rewarded for being self. [00:10:00] literally not having a self and it's like, oh, she's so selfless. She's so great. She's so that we gotta stop doing that. Like th th the rub with high functioning codependents and how this is a slow poison is that as we're, as we're growing up and becoming adults, right. The constant thing we hear is, oh, where's that smile don't cry. Right. I know it doesn't make your skin crawl. Right. Because. What's under that message. That sounds so nicey nice on the outside. It's disgusting because what we're saying to young girls is your emotions are making me uncomfortable, so stop. And we learn that it's okay if we're dying inside, as long as no one else is uncomfortable, and that will kill a business because we're not saying what we need and we're not selling the way that we could, and we're not helping at the level we can. Does that make sense? Diane: completely. I always laugh at the smile one because one of my. Trading teams that I supported, their name for me was actually smiley die because no matter what news I was delivering, it was like slap on a smile because it's such an adaptive response, right? It's a protective mechanism for women In that kind of more masculine environment, it's almost becomes like your shield I don't want to show emotion because I've been told emotion is weak Sarah: correct. Diane: and therefore everything must be fine. And I must just smile, Sarah: and I'm smarter than you and I could have solved this problem six months ago when I saw it coming at. Right, It's amazing to see right. In that context, it's like, do people murder their businesses? Yes, but I think that the challenge is, and again, like, I, I keep saying my expert is my expertise is women. So someone's dropping in. They're like, I don't know. Okay. But if we're looking at most women, it's this idea that we are killing ourselves and that by default will kill the business. Diane: right, Sarah: Right. It just, well, and that is something I think most people [00:12:00] don't see coming. And so, because it is this protective thing we've been trained, I'm going to say it that way. We've been trained to do this from a very young age. It takes work and it takes, and it takes, I always say people in business need to have their friends in the sandbox. Like we need our people that go, Hey, yo, yo, have you slept? Like pull it back a little minute. Like it's okay. Do you need help? Do you need support? What's going on? Who gives a crap? If your house is messy, like stop. and that sort of support it's I think it's, it's almost like women on women crime. When we say, oh my God, you're killing it. And it's like, we all know deep down, she's killing herself first. And I hate that phrase. You're killing it. I'm sorry, are we up for murder? Like, what is happening? What are we killing here? Like it's gross. And just kind of watching that language and noticing that it's, it's really destructive to women specifically, and I think that's really important for us in business. So that's, that's the slow poison I'm talking about. Diane: Yeah. And I think I read a stat recently that for. Mothers there, mom job. I don't know how else to phrase it. Momming is like a two and a half person full-time job. So I'm always in awe of my friends who are moms, cause for me, honestly, like getting myself out of bed is, you know, that's about all the challenge I can take in the morning. But to think that people are doing all of that and then running these Uber successful businesses and. Unable to openly say, or feel like they can say, Hey, I'm struggling. Can someone help me? we've almost lost the, the ability to articulate that request for help until it's just like a. Sarah: Yeah. That's really well said, Diane, I think you're absolutely right. And that's why. It's on us to turn to each other and say, are you okay? Do you need anything? And I don't think we do that enough. And a lot of the times, cause we're exhausted too. But what I hope we all start to kind of recognize is if we can do that with each other, the other person, now what you're silently doing is giving them permission to [00:14:00] ask you as well. And we open up this honest conversation of like, dude, I'm freaking exhausted. Right. And we have these times, listen, we'll know there's going to be times, like I said, you don't start a business because you're bored. We all know there will be times where you've got to push on the gas kind of hard. That's going to happen. And I think what is so tough about that? I mean, I went through that this year as well. I always say to everyone. You know, here I am this coach, right? It's like, oh, your life must be perfect. I'm like, dude, what are you smoking? Like, no, no job lifts you up out of your humanity. I can get cancer tomorrow. Like something could have, like, what are you talking about? Right. Like, no, and I hate that. That's that's up there with the entrepreneur porn. His coaches are perfect. It's like, w I'm sorry, what now? Huh? Please don't ever put that on me because I'm a person and it really. Hit earlier this year. My, my daughter who's about to be 13, was diagnosed with type one type. And I think she'd been sick for like a year. And I cannot begin to tell you how hard that was. And there I am pushing on the gas of the business, loving what I love. I love my job so much. I love teaching women these skills and I'd get a phone call from the nurse. She's thrown up again. And I'm like, what the heck? She had oatmeal for breakfast, like what is happening? Right. And not knowing and not being able to figure it out. The terror that comes with that. And then I'd have to show up and do videos for my YouTube channel. Right. And what that takes from us. But I talk about it and I talk about it because I want to give anybody who's ever in earshot of my voice to have permission. Damn, this is hard sometimes. And I'll go, I know what do you need? And let's have that conversation so that we don't kill our own businesses and or ourselves. And that this humanity thing is shared. It's on all of us. Nobody gets out of this one. Diane: Yeah, I think for me, what shows up as the desired antidote, shall we say to the poison is the. Quote, unquote authenticity porn Sarah: Yeah, Diane: I'm S I'm sobbing in my [00:16:00] car. So I'm the first thing I'm going to think through when I'm actually having like a full breakdown is for me to like, turn on my camera and, and, and talk about it. Right. Which then tells other people that if you're not at that level, if you're not sobbing in the car and in a moment of quiet or you may be your only moment of quiet to the day, you're almost not struggling enough to ask for that help, I think, or to allow yourself a moment to be like, oh wait, hang on. I'm actually struggling. I might need help. So I don't know how authentic the authenticity always is. And then, if you do take it at face value as authentic, I think it's doing us a slack disservice because it becomes what was the thing I saw yesterday. It was a tweet that like somebody can drown in an a meter of water and somebody can drawn in seven meters of water. We have to stop comparing trauma with each other, Sarah: Agreed. I think that's right. Diane: almost like the only other end of the scale that we're seeing is the, the breakdown or the burnout. We're not actually seeing the slow poison. Sarah: agreed. I totally agree with you on that. And I think, and that is also you know, as women I talk about, we really need each other, like, that's a very instinctual thing. There've been so many fun studies done with little kids about how the girls group together and the boys and their man they'll slug each other, and then go off and be fine. Right. Girls are very tribal. At a young age and that sort of spawns into adulthood. But this comparison game is really frightening to me. One, because we cannot compare pain, you just can't because we can't know. And it's been interesting. This is actually something I've had to teach. My daughter she'll get so much. She's like these kids say they're tired. They have no idea. Cause she was so, I mean, she was starving to death, right? So I was just like, go through this. I don't like my love in their world. That's as big. Like you can't compare. What you can understand is you're really strong right now. And what you've learned to come through is a strength of yours now. And it will serve you for your whole life. But [00:18:00] that doesn't mean that what someone else is going through. Isn't quite. Because in their world, it is. And we have to understand that. And I love that idea of one meter versus seven meter because it's absolutely accurate. And I think this is where this is death. Number two, by the way that we're bringing on the slow drip. I call the personal attack, the internal attack, Scarlet I have named her the one that goes, who the hell do you think you are? Diane: So it Was, scholared in the, in the conservatory. What the slow poisoning Sarah: I don't even think of that. We are so on this theme, Diane, I love us right now. And this is amazing. I've been calling her Scarlet for years. This is the best podcast interview ever. Diane: your branding is changing overnight. Sarah: think we're going to have to, we're going to have to just amazing. It was Scarlet in the bedroom. It should be the title of the, of the episode. Anyway. So, yeah, so, in talking about Scarlet, right, and this attack, this slow bleed that happens with the internal attacks and what I say to people, it's very similar to this pain conversation we're having. That's why I'm bringing it up now. And we've just moved on to step two is, is because it comes out of this comparison. Right. This idea that, oh my God, she's got 9 million followers. I must suck. It's what, how did, what? It's the same as comparing, you know, my daughter saying you don't know what it's like to be tired, right. To someone who's exhausted. Right? We can't, it's not, you can't, you can't do it. Just doesn't work. We want. Right, because it's how we make sense of the world. Right. We're constantly ranking. Am I okay? Am I safe? Is this all right? What's happening here? Can I trust this? Like we're doing that. And I think as we evolve, as we grow, as we become wiser, that part of that empathy and compassion needs to be there. And it's impossible to have that be there if we're believing what Scarlet says and here's the rub about Scarlet is she's not. We all pretty much have the same ones. It's like people say to me all the time, or they'll listened to a podcast episode or watch a YouTube video. And they're like, how are you in my head? I'm like [00:20:00] sweetness because it's in mine too. None of us are that great. Like it's not that original. Like we're all having the same thoughts. Right. And just the, the overall empathy and humanity that can come with that. It's so much easier to have that compassion for other people to be a great member of somebody else's sandbox to be there for each other, to call out the high-functioning codependents. If we are having compassion for ourselves, if we are not buying into what Scarlet says and what I say about this as it's, you know, Scarlet is kind of like dinner and this goes back to this BS. Oh, you can just vanish your limiting thoughts. No, the limiting thoughts will always be there. They are actually grooved into your brain. But what we can do is put thoughts over them that are even stronger. And you can't do that unless you tell the truth about what those thoughts are. I'm not saying like paint a pretty picture and it'll all go away. That's not what I mean, but those thoughts will usually always be there. And that's why Scarlet will always have a job. It's like, You know, it's like dinner. I say this to like, it's like, did I hate dinner, dinner pisses me off. I don't understand every day there's dinner. I just did dinner yesterday. And today I got to worry about dinner again. What the Frick didn't we just do it. Like I hate dinner, pisses me off. I have to get up out of work. There's always something, somebody doesn't like ate dinner, but every day there's dinner and Scarlet's exactly the same. And what we need to do is just recognized. She's always going to be there and then we stop fighting it. It's like, oh, Hey girl. I know you're going to your, I know you're here to tell me I'm an idiot and I don't have as many followers as her, and I'm never going to make it. I got it. Do you have anything else? Cause I'm busy. If we can get to that point with her, it's so much easier for us to continue to move forward and it will help with that slow drip, drip, drip, in addition to helping with issue number one, which is we're supporting more people in pulling out of this high functioning co-dependence and that allows us to pull out of this high functioning. Co-dependence so really understanding that, you know, Scarlett's just doing her job, but it's not. Diane: She's almost like providing you with the poison. She's just like dripping it into your like oatmeal every morning at breakfast or [00:22:00] whatever. Like literally no one is ever going to eat with me ever. Again, one of, one of my friends said she never wants to go on a hike with me because I'll examine some true crime thing and explain like the forensics to her. And she's like, I'm very worried that, you know, this matter. About I'm definitely the friend who's going to get cold to help very a body, but no one really wants to be alone with me. Okay. So we, so we have scholar, who's giving us the poison and we're slowly dropped dropping. Is there anything else that's coming into our crime set up? Sarah: Yes. Our relationship to money, Diane: Okay. Sarah: our relationship to money. Diane: Money's always the mode of. Sarah: It's just, it is. And it's I have a really unique view of money. So, I mean, I don't know, you're going to have to hang on your hats and glasses for this one. Cause it's a little cookie. I'm not going to lie in the first time I thought it, I was like, I don't want to say that ever again, but I've come to understand that it's really true. You know, for, for most of my. You know, I told you I got my street cred. I was in start-ups a lot. One of the startups, we were supporting Marianne Williamson in something called the miracle matrix, which was hurt wheat. What we did is we digitize cause she'd been speaking for so long that she had cassette recordings and things like that. We're like, oh my God. Right? So we digitize everything for her. And we created a monthly subscription before. This was a thing, right? This was like not a thing yet. And that's how old I am, but iTunes was just coming out. Audible was just coming out like this wasn't quite where people were yet. And so I would be in the recording studio with her a lot. And I've never read the course in miracles. I'm not gonna pretend like I'm an expert. I'm not, I don't know. But in listening to her, speak about it enough. What I came to understand from her perspective was that there are really only two emotions there's love and there's fear and everything else kind of grows out of those. Right? So when you're afraid, you get really pissed at people and you act like a crazy person and you rage and you do these things, right. Joy, happiness, peace, contentment, that feeling of like, oh my God, there's enough. That, that usually tends to come from a more loving base. And what she would say is that love's job is to, is to stoke fear. [00:24:00] And bring it up so we can get. Diane: Okay. Sarah: So like, when you really inject love into a situation, you'll start to see bubbles of fear come out. And I was like, that is so interesting, but that's how you heal, right? Unless you know what the fears are. It's kind of like looking for your limiting beliefs. It's the same idea. You got to know what they are, so you can sort of deal with them and then create new beliefs that are more powerful. Right? Same idea. So I was preparing to give a talk in Philadelphia about. And I'm, I'm walking. I do this cause I'm crazy. Right. But I'm walking in my hotel room. I'm pacing. I'm practicing the talk and I stopped for a second and okay. You're gonna think I'm crazy, Diane. It's all right. You can do. All right. Okay. So I hear this voice. I swear to God. I mean, it was mine, but it wasn't, I don't know if you've ever had that. You're like what the Frick was that, and it was that money is love. And I was like, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life. I'm never saying that again. And it kept coming back to me as I was practicing this talk on sales and I realized what I had actually sort of pieced together is it's not that money is love. Right. We all know when people fall in love with money, there's like weirdness there because they turn to it for secure. Like, they love it more than people. And boy, that's just all whacked out. I don't mean it like that, but that it has that same love, like energy in that it will bring up everything you're afraid of all of the fears you have will get stoked when there's an injection of money. And this is why, like in the United States, we see this a lot. Somebody wins the sweepstakes and they lose it all within a year. Right, because I think there's two things that work. When you have to grow yourself, it's a lot of energy to take on. Right? And if you haven't grown yourself into somebody who can handle that amount of energy, you like fizzle out, you burn out right. You're overloaded and you get rid of it. But the other piece of it is all of the fears that have not been healed. Do people really love me? Am I smart enough? Are people going to find out I'm an idiot? Are people gonna find out I'm really a bad person? What if, what if people are only nice to me because I have this money, all of those fears start to come up. Am I [00:26:00] greedy? Because I'm happy about this. That's the work to be done. I believe when someone is starting a business, as you really want to take some time and attention to examine what your current fears are, so that as the money starts to come into the business, You don't sabotage it. And that's what I meant by the ending strike is usually passionate. Right? Because you're freaked the F out. Not only do you know, the critiques are coming right, that's your success tax. Not only do you know, people are going to start judging you now, it's like, oh crap. What if people are only around me because I'm 60. What if I'm a burden to my family because people know I'm successful. What if no one really loves me because I'm successful. If you don't start dealing with that, you will actively try to get rid of it. And. Diane: Right. It's kind of like, depending on how much money it is, it's just magnifies that fear. So like a little bit of money sparks, a couple of fears, but then if you want to keep up liberal in your business, anything that you haven't dealt with at the original level, shall we say, it's just going to keep getting magnified and magnified, right? Sarah: I think so. I think so. And I've also come to see that the it's kind of both because yes, I have seen that. Like it's a little bit, that's all. Right. And then we'll, we'll talk about the fourth rule, which is sort of dictates what's okay. But like, you'll get to that certain level and you'll sabotage it. Right. And then you go back to that level, then you'll sabotage it. For some people that, that is true for others, I've seen the amount does not matter at all. I have, I have clients who make $800,000 a month. And they have the same fears as someone who started out at $80 a month. Right? Like it doesn't matter. And so like, what you said at the end was so important that it's the original fears. You've got to start to look at those. And I think it's such a gift. I mean, this is why I love to teach sales because sales is very similar. It gives you such an opportunity to look at what your fears are before they hit you upside the head. And you're not pressing. As you can start to work on this now and [00:28:00] grow yourself into the person you want to be so that as it comes in and those fears hit, cause they will. Right. There's no magical thinking here, Scarlet doesn't disappear and you're suddenly not human anymore. Like, no, they're still going to be there, but you will have grown yourself to recognize it. Number one. So you're not afraid. You're like, oh my God, this is the thing I've been working on. And here it is. It's. All right. What are the tools and skills I put in place to support myself here? Who do I need to call? Right. It says again, why I do love coaching when it's done well, because you go, oh my God, it just happened. I just got my first $10,000 a month or my first $50,000 a month. And I'm freaking out, I call it F TFO. I'm freaking the fuck out. Right. Right. So you're doing that. And then now you have somewhere to go. So you don't do something stupid or something that you didn't mean to do or something that you're not under. Like, why am I doing this? Like, you want to know what those triggers are? Diane: Yeah, you don't want to chug the whole bottle of poison cause you've just realized you've been slowly poisoning yourself. Okay. And so you said the fourth one was kind of like what we could do instead Sarah: Yeah. Well, it's what, it's what holds the first three. Diane: Oh, so the motive for the first Sarah: we'll kinda, yeah. And it's really interesting. I know, I know you guys ready? Are you ready? If I had like a magic wand I'd flourish? No here's, here's the deal. I'll say this. And then I just want you to think about it. And it is that sometimes when you become super successful, right. When you start to expand, when you're looking at growing, as you start to break unspoken family rules. And those unspoken family rules can be things like you're not supposed to make more money than dad. It's a big one. Yeah, I right. I know people go, Diane: one. Sarah: oh my God, rich people are assholes. That can be an unspoken, sometimes spoken family rule. Right? You don't outshine your parents. You don't act like you're better than anybody else. Diane: yeah, Sarah: Greedy people are jury. Or evil. Evil is a big one. We hear a lot. And so what's at [00:30:00] work, right? When you, like, I can't seem to break past this certain point in my business. I want you to look at your parents' salaries. And a lot of the times that's what's happening and we just don't know. Right. Cause it was an unspoken family rule, just like high functioning co-dependence until we had this term for, it was an unspoken rule as a woman you're supposed to work until you drop dead dammit and make sure everybody else is comfortable while you do that, please. It's like, oh, Diane: and make sure you look good, like don't make a mess when you do leave us. Sarah: that's right. That's right. Everything needs to be tidy and put away, please. Thanks. And did you put out snacks? Diane: Yes. Sarah: Yeah. It's like, unbelievable. So this last, this last murder weapon, right? And this is a little bit like, do you see what I meant by they're slow drip, drip poison, but there can be moments of passion where you absolutely destroy things because you're not understanding what's at work. Diane: Yeah. Sarah: Yeah. And that's where, that's where your relationship to money and your unspoken family rules can come in and wreak havoc, especially if the slow drip, drip, drip of poison has already been at work. It's all unspoken entrained. And that is why these, I think these conversations are so important because once it's so great, cause it's like riding a bike once you've seen these thoughts or these beliefs or these ideas, you can't unsee them. And that's so powerful, right? It's not that they go. There's no magic here. It's all work. And its, and its focus and its intention. And it can be funny sometimes. Like we don't have to make it dreadful, but in looking at it, you can't unsee it. And that automatically puts you at a different level of success and happiness, quite frankly. Diane: Yeah, I guess it's like, you can suddenly recognize that like, Scotland is lying to you. She's not going to stop lying to you, but you can recognize that maybe everything she's telling you isn't necessarily true. Sarah: right. Oh, and also recognize you saying it's about 50 other thousand people at the exact same time. Diane: Yeah. She's really gets around that Sarah: Yeah. It's not even original. Yeah. Thanks lady. Can you come up with something new seriously, man? Diane: Good this song again. Sarah: So true. Diane: So is there [00:32:00] anything that we can do to prevent us from killing off our business? Sarah: Yeah. I mean, I think, I think we know the things to watch for now. This has been an awesome conversation. I mean, like I said, it's hard to unsee it, so now when you see it, that's a great question. Well, what do I do? My favorite question to ask is what is my best next? Now that can sound kind of cheesy and very coachy coachy I gotcha. I gotcha. I know. But the other way to sort of ask this question is I want you to picture just take one minute, not even 10 seconds and sort of picture yourself in the moment of success for you, whatever. Right for me for a long time until it happened, I'm still so grateful. It was like standing with Oprah and having a conversation about what my best next step would be. Right. That, and that happened. I couldn't believe it. I was like, shit, I gotta write a book about this. This actually happened. Oh my God. Right. But you put yourself in the moment of success, you get as much detail as you can. You could talk about, you know, what perfume you're wearing, what shirt you're wearing, what your shoes look like, who's with you. What does it smell? Like, just sit in that for a second. Feel that success and the other way to ask what's my best next step. What did that woman, what did that human being do to get there? And what would she tell me to do right now? And that just changes everything because all of a sudden the mystery is gone. It's not like that that person who's in a moment of success is better than you. It's not like she's more brilliant. She just did things different. On the daily that changed the trajectory. And I think that can be the rub sometimes, right? Is we think the choices that we make on the daily don't matter. But if you're sitting there thinking, I don't want to write this email. Oh my God, this pitch is going to be too hard. No, one's going to work with me. All these things that come in and you go, I'm just going to go watch Netflix. It seems like in that moment, that's not a big deal. It really does. You're like it was one afternoon. What's the big. Except that, that decision, you guys can't see me, but I'm holding my hands together. And that decision I'm pulling my [00:34:00] hands apart slowly. Right. But if you follow that through over time, pretty soon, my hands are going to be really, really, really far apart. And what that creates is a totally different trajectory. Now I don't believe in hustle. I don't love that. I think that's gross, but I do believe in small decisions all throughout the day. And if you say, what would that most successful version of me? Tell me to do next and you listen to that, it will transform everything and it will take you out of the Scarlet moments. It will take you out of the high functioning codependents it will take you out of the monies, you know, evil, and it will take you out of those unspoken rules because you can see them now and it will allow you the permission and the moment, right? We all wait for the moment, right? Where's my moment. That's your. And then 10 minutes from that is the next moment. And then an hour from that is your next moment. And none of these are huge. And I think that's really what that entrepreneur and authenticity porn, right? Those things that's, what they've done is made us think there's one big magical swoop. That's total lie. It is a moment by moment decision in which trajectory, which path you're going to choose, because the only thing we all have is time and over time, those small decisions we'll make all the time. Diane: I'm going to show like my accounting nerdiness, but it's kind of like compound interest. It's better to put 10 bucks in the investment today and that it compound than to wait until you have a hundred bucks to put. Right. Sarah: ding, ding. That's right. That's it's the exact same analogy. Yeah. Diane: Right. So now that we've like scared the pants off of anyone, anyone who's still listening, I'm not, I'm not, convinced we haven't lost everyone already. We're like way too into like the goriness of this episode. But if they don't want their business to be the next victim, when they don't want to be the person who succumbs to Scarlet, how can they get started protecting themselves? Do you have like an easy starting point for them? Sarah: Gosh. Well, I'm a big believer. You must learn the [00:36:00] skill of sales, right? I am just such a believer in that, like, when I was back in corporate going, where the hell are all the women? I think one of the biggest missing skills along with, you know, understanding finances, which is so easy, you guys it's, it's like, you know, seven, eight year old math stop with the madness. This is not is, is not. They make it look harder. Don't worry about it. We all got your back. But that the skill of sales and, and I think that is just absolutely critical because you can have the most beautiful product, the most beautiful service. And if you cannot sell. It's going to die. Right. And selling is not scary selling as a joy. I believe that, I mean, selling is an opportunity to let people know you're there to help them. And I just don't think there's anything that's much better than that. We just need to take it back. We need to own it and not let it get tarnished and tainted the way that it has. So I think learning the skill of sales is, is critical. And the other thing I would invite anybody to do right now, like one of the best things you can do for your business is, is write down. Top 10 beliefs about money. Just write them down and just keep them handy and let that work on you and let you start to see, Hey, I actually, I don't want that to be my belief about money anymore, or I do like whatever, but like, to really start to own that you have a relationship to money and that it's yours to recreate at any moment whenever you want. And I think those are two really powerful things people could do, like right now. Diane: Yeah. And you mentioned like, so finance and stuff was not that complicated and it's not that scary. I'm an accountant. So I'd like everyone to think it is really complicated. Sarah: doesn't mean you're going to enjoy doing it and that's why you call Diane, yes, Diane: don't do that anymore for a long time in banking. But you know, I did spend like seven years qualifying, so, you know, details. Sarah: Jeez. I know. It's incredible. Yeah. Diane: Well, I know you have a resource that's like an easy calculator that people can use. Do you want to chat a little bit about Sarah: Yeah. So you guys, I have a gift for you guys, and I did create this for this exact reason, right? So most people who are opening small businesses, it is, it is simple math. This is not anything I want you to be afraid of. So I have a freedom calculator for you. And what, when I call it a freedom calculator, it's [00:38:00] for you to figure out the amount of money you need to make in order to feel. And it's not for anyone else to tell you what that number should be. Right? So this calculator, you use your real world numbers. You look at what you need to make every month based on your current lifestyle and where you want to go. And then I show you in the rest of the freedom calculator, the calculator is upfront, and then there's a whole PDF behind that actually helping you construct how you can hit that number. And then what you do once you hit that number so that you can continue to grow. Diane: Fabulous. This has been such a fun episode. So to finish up, I can't think of how to link these into true crime, but so, but anyway, I always ask the same two questions of all my guests. So the first is what is your number one lifestyle boundary for your business? Sarah: boy. I do not talk, look at, see, pick up my phone or my computer after noon on Fridays. Until 9:00 AM on Mondays. Diane: Wow. Sarah: I'm very rigorous about that. I have a setting, I don't know if you get, you know, on your iPhone, you can do different focuses. So what can break through is obviously my daughter's diabetes information. Like if she's tanking and she's going low, my alarm will beep and my father can reach me. My animals can reach me and my children can reach me. And outside of that, the phone does not ring or move or make a sound. Diane: Wow. Sarah: rigorous about that. Yeah. Diane: That is intense. I feel like I, I feel like I would have to implement that like minute by minute and then maybe hour by hour. I don't know who Sarah: It's I mean, listen, it's not easy and I'm not gonna pretend like it is. And, and let me just be honest, right back to being honest, like there are times like if I'm doing a big launch or I really want to work on a sales page or I'm doing something juicy, oh my God, there's nothing better than like plugging myself in the library and going to town. I love that, but it's intentional, it's focused and it's planned. It's not haphazard and it doesn't bleed into my. Diane: I think that's a fabulous boundary for people to think about and aspire to. Okay. Finally, what is the worst piece of cookie [00:40:00] cutter advice you've been given as an entree? Sarah: Just believe and the money will come. Diane: oh, God just threw up in my Sarah: Yeah. Please do collective throw up everybody. Diane: It's such a, a dangerous belief as well. Sarah: it is. It's caused more people to file for bankruptcy than any other. And it's, it's just disgusting. I don't know how people can consciously say that to other people. Diane: Yeah. And I think it's also like, it shows up in other like non-money ones as well. Like just, just like show up and you'll have 10,000 followers just show up and you'll be a YouTube sensation. Just show up when your tech stock will go viral. So I think it's kind of like octopus, legged, its way into almost anything in business. Sarah: that's a great point. Yeah, you're absolutely right. That's correct. Diane: Oh, this has been amazing. Sarah: I've loved Diane: like I had like my own, like many true crime podcast. Sarah: You should totally, totally start one. Yes. Diane: I know, I feel, I feel that people are going to be like, oh, Diane, I hopefully when it's going to do, as long with everybody wanting to get in touch with you and carry on the conversation is we're both just going to get a multitude of recommendations of true crime podcasts that we need to Sarah: Oh, my God. I hope that happens. I would love that. Diane: So where is the best place for people to come and chat to you about sales and what they're doing in their business, and to recommend podcasts for us? Sarah: Oh, I love it. Well, you guys can always come hang out with me over on Instagram. I love it over there. It's the Sarah wonton and not because I think I'm the Sarah Walden it's because Sarah Walden was taken. Dang. It that's the only reason people, but I love hanging out over there. I do lots of stories. We have lots of fun conversations. And we also have a YouTube channel. So you can find me at, I think it's Sarah Walton one once again. I was late to the party. I'm so sorry. Sarah Walden, the number one you can find me over there on YouTube. I do a video once a week called Sarah uncut. It's a little scary. I turned my phone around and start talking and we never know quite what's going to happen, but we've [00:42:00] had a lot of fun creating it. Diane: Awesome. Okay. I'll make sure to link all of that. So it's super easy for everyone to find. Thank you so much. Sarah: Thank you so much for having me. This has been great.