Boundaries Work Better From A Place Of Yes
TRANSCRIPT AUTOMATICALLY GENERATED Hey. Hey, so this week I am continuing my theme of things you can practice at home that will help your business in 2023. Last week was communication. This week I want to talk about boundaries. So boundaries for me are such an important topic. I ask every single guest at the end of a guest interview what their number one boundary is so that it can inspire new boundaries that you can set. I know the boundaries can feel really difficult at home and at work. So I wanna try and reframe that a little bit. . First of all, I want us to think of boundaries as a place of Yes. Instead of a place of no. So when we're thinking about boundaries, a lot of the time it feels really selfish cuz you're saying no to somebody else. I want you to think about what are you saying yes to by enforcing that boundary. So if you say to a client, Hey, am I working hours on nine to five and I'm not available after five. Anything you send me after that, I'll get to you the next day. When you look at that from a, oh, I'm saying no to a client perspective, that can bring up a lot of baggage. It can bring up a lot of like a feeling of obligation and resentment when you think about, I'm gonna set this boundary because it's gonna allow me to do X, Y, Z. Whether that's. See my family bath, the children, hang out with my friends, go to the gym. Whatever it is that you get to now do after 5:00 PM is a result of you setting that boundary, but it's a positive result of you setting that boundary the same way. If you think about like a holiday dinner, we've all got something that pushes our buttons, or there's always something that's in the news that there can be disagreement on. Rather than viewing it as I'm shutting down this conversation, view it as I'm facilitating a happy, relaxed family dinner where we can all remember that we like each other. Okay. So that's my first step. My second part that I would love you to think about, and we do this in our business so well for our clients, is we think about what's in it for. . So we see our boundary as this huge no to somebody else. But actually when you're setting that boundary, if you can turn it into a, what's in it for them? that can really help you feel good about saying no to the other person and yes to yourself. So in the client example, when you say I work nine to five, you can say I work nine to five because I wanna make sure that I'm fully focused when I'm on the client's clock. And after five everything gets a bit hectic and my just, my focus gets split. So that's why I keep those hours. You can be more articulate than me. The same with the home one. You can say to the person like, let's not talk about this so that we can just have a happy, relaxed dinner. so first a way to think about boundary Stephanie. Second, a way to make it slightly easier for you to say that. Now let's talk about some areas where you might wanna think about boundaries. The place that I would start with boundaries is actually with yourself. What are your boundaries with yourself? Do you commit to eight hours of sleep and then you're scrolling TikTok at three in the morning? Do you commit to finish work at 5:00 PM and at 10:00 PM you're still there answering emails from your phone? It's really important to think about what you need in your day and in your lifestyle and to make sure that you aren't the one sabotaging. . What are those non-negotiables for you, and how do you put those boundaries in place with yourself? I think starting from that position really brings you into a place where you start to keep your promises to yourself, which then allows you to be more confident in setting future boundaries and knowing that you can hold them. Then once you've set boundaries for yourself, if you are holding those boundaries, it's easier for you to hold that boundary with another person. So if your boundary with yourself is, I am not gonna get triggered when this person. Pushes this button for the 1400th time in a row, it's easier for you to say, Hey, I don't wanna talk about that. And if they keep pushing to walk away, like people can't argue with themselves, right? So once you've got your boundaries set with yourself, you're really clear on what all those yeses are, why you're doing all of these things, that then helps you enforce that boundary with somebody. , I will say, where you think you're gonna have to hold a boundary with somebody else. It's really good to think about that in advance, prepare for it, plan what you're gonna say so that in the moment you are calm and collected and it doesn't put them on the defensive. If anything, you being so calm and collected is gonna make them look unreasonable, not holding that boundary for you. And if the worst comes to the worst and. They continue to try and step over that boundary. Remember that you can always leave. You don't have to take part in the conversation. It's very difficult to have an argument with yourself And then once you've practiced holding these boundaries over this holiday season, you can bring all of that back into your business. So you've practiced setting boundaries for yourself. You've practiced holding boundaries with other people, and you now can look at your business with fresh eyes and ask what boundaries you need to have, first of all, for yourself. So if you say you're gonna stop work at five, you need to stop work at five, and then you can think about what boundaries do you need to hold with other people in your business life, with your clients, with your team, with contractors that you hire? When are you available to people? What topics are you available on? And coming at that again from that place of yes. If I hold this boundary, what do I get to do? If I say to my team, I'm not available for the first two hours in the morning, I get to create content, I get to write my book, I get to get my head right for the day, whatever it is. So we're coming back to what is that place of yes, that this boundary is based on? if you need a little bit of inspiration, you can check out any guest interview. Remember, I ask them every single time, what is your number one lifestyle boundary for your business? So have a listen. Get inspired think about what you wanna say yes to in 2023, and what boundaries you need to hold for that to happen.
If you feel (or are made to feel) selfish for setting and holding boundaries at work or at home, try this instead.
Boundaries are about the opportunity, not the no.
In This Episode
- Going from a place of no to a place of yes
- How to apply this with yourself and others
- How to bring it back into your business
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The information contained above is provided for information purposes only. The contents of this podcast episode and article are not intended to amount to advice and you should not rely on any of the contents of this article or episode. Professional advice should be obtained before taking or refraining from taking any action as a result of the contents of this article. Diane Mayor disclaims all liability and responsibility arising from any reliance placed on any of the contents of this article.